Are You Doing too Much for Your Child?
When we do too much for our kids (we over-function for them), we rob them of developing skills
and the pride they feel when they master skills. When we do not slow down to allow our children
to do daily life tasks, we rob them of the practice necessary to develop confidence and mastery
of life skills.
When we help too much instead of teaching them, we may cause them to develop a problem
psychologists call learned helplessness. This is never our intention. Our aim is to help our kids.
We often do not even realize we are providing too much help.
What does learned helplessness look like in a young child with Down syndrome?
- You can see signs of this as young as six months. They assist in getting dressed. They seem to know the routine. They pay attention to the task. (not looking all around)
- They do not attempt to help get themself dressed. They are limp noodles, do not pay attention, and do not move their limbs to assist in dressing, laying, or flopping, especially if they can sit up or stand.
- During feeding, they rely on you to feed them with maximum support.
- They should be doing what they safely can do, holding their bottle and bringing forks to their mouth even if they can’t poke food yet. Allow you to assist them in poking food. Same with a spoon.
- For a bit older, 2 – 3-year-olds. They will not come to you to get shoes on or do other daily tasks like this. You go get them or go to them. Even if your child can not walk but can crawl, they should be able to come to you to get shoes on, brush their teeth, go to the table for meals, and go to their bed for bedtime.
- They should be able to go where shoes are kept to get them on. You say let’s get your shoes on they attempt to move to you or the shoes—the same as the other task listed. Now sometime, they may not want to go to bed or brush their teeth. It would be best if you encouraged them to do those things under their own power. But toddlers are toddlers, and that does not ways work. I get it! I know toddlers!
Here are some signs your child may be showing if they are learned helplessness.
Low self-esteem.
● Low motivation.
● Low expectations of success.
● Less persistence.
● Not asking for help.
Low motivation to do things that are a bit hard to do, less persistence on a somewhat hard task,
and not asking for help are all things you can see in children with Ds as young as two years.
Asking for help is one of the first skills we focus on at Little Leaf. Most of our students can sign
help and should be able to ask for help at home. Reach out to Mrs. Kim if you are unsure of your
child’s ability. If you are on the waitlist and need help teaching your child to ask for help, please
reach out to me.
